I could post these pictures to my instagram with a cutesy caption and paint a picture of my idyllic life. And while maybe I did do that with a couple of these, I'm going to keep it real here. This week has been rough. Real rough. Today was my first official day of two weeks of vacation and I'm wondering how the heck I'm going to make it through. Tonight was the first night that Maple has gone to bed before my bedtime. The first night all week that I am having a moment to myself. (I'm not even a week into this new blog and already slacking.) Judah has not listened or followed any directions in days. The sound of my own voice, repeating myself over and over and over, is giving me a headache. And I am so very sick of putting sunscreen on little humans who hate slimy things.
It feels like everyone I know is having a rough week. Especially those with toddlers. I don't know if its the sudden heat or the full moon. I wish I knew more about astrology and could write about how it has something to do with the Gemini retrograde but I;m not that cool so I am just going to put a stick of selenite on my head and tell you about the shitty day I had yesterday. Actually, it was Thursday now. It's taken me days to write this. Yesterday was no walk in the park either, but Thursday, Thursday was a real dumpster fire.
Thursday started off fine. We met some friends at the mall to play and have lunch. Things began to really deteriorate at Trader Joe’s. Despite telling Judah numerous times that he would have to sit in the cart and wouldn’t get to push a little cart, the reality of this sent him into a full meltdown. In front of Trader Joe’s. In the rain. An older gentleman helped get me a cart and held it while I attempted to get Judah’s flailing legs through the seat. The man offered to help me get Judah's legs in, as appealing as that was I declined and was impressed that I somehow managed to think about consent in the middle of a meltdown. He even told Judah to listen to his mother. He did not listen. But we managed to get about half of what we needed and wine.
We got home and I loaded the kiddos up in the stroller to hit up the farmer's market and have the kids put their hand prints on a mural. (Raise Your Hands Up.) I even resisted telling Judah that we were doing it because Donald Trump puts children in cages and instead kept it simple and told him it was for keeping children with their families and left it at that. And then it started to rain. The friend I was with and I quickly decided that we would wait out the storm with a beer. She ran to feed her parking meter and I was left with my double stroller, holding her daughter's hand. That's when I saw a man clearly overdosing on a bench nearby and two police officers briskly approaching him and asking "did you shoot up or snort it." I quickly moved the kiddos away from the scene and made a game out of looking for my friend.
Once we were cozily sipping our hard ciders and watching our toddlers dance, I for a brief moment felt like maybe this was what vacation is all about. That's when the chocolate milks came. Judah chugged his chocolate almond milk, it was his first after all. Then he came over and started hopping on my foot and promptly threw up all that chocolate milk. All over my bare legs. I rushed him to the bathroom but he was pretty much clean. So he watched as I took a bath in the sink.
When we went back to our table, one of the wait staff told me she had cleaned up most of it. I thanked her and told her I would have done it all. She put her hand on my arm and told me how her three-year-old had spun too fast at the playground earlier in the day and done the same thing. She smiled and told me I was doing a good job.
So all that to get to my point. When you're having a shitty day and you're rethinking your life choices, look for the moms. I can't tell say how many times, I've been struggling. Losing my patience. Raising my voice a tad in Target. Saying "I can't answer any more questions" at the grocery store. Because I can't even fucking think and am forgetting half of my list even though its right in front of me. Those are the times, when you look up and another mom smiles at you. Winks at you. Tells you that you're momming so hard (okay that was actually a hot dad in overalls with a man bun at Whole Foods, but still). Look for the moms to give you a little smile, cause they get it. And if any mom acts like she doesn't, she is lying. And probably a jerk.
We are all being the very best moms we can be at any moment. And sometimes, maybe we don't like that mom. But that's okay, because its exhausting. So exhausting. Some days, all of your patience gets zapped by 9 am. But that mom that you want to be, the mom who is patient and doesn't raise her voice and comes up with fun games to get her kids to listen: you are that mom. And tomorrow, you just try again. Maybe you'll last til 10 am or maybe you'll make it til your husband gets home. Or maybe at 4 pm, you'll pop open that bottle of wine from Trader Joe's that you promised yourself you wouldn't use as a coping skill and throw a bath bomb in the tub and give your kids a bath and they'll be cute and it will be the most enjoyable moment of your whole day. It's all okay. We're all doing okay. Be kind to yourself. This phase of life is takes all we have and more. Eat a piece of chocolate. Drink the glass of wine. We all deserve a treat.
Has your week been awful? Any tips for dealing with it? Please spill the beans in the comments!
Here are some highlights from the week, with some keepin it real captions:
Right before it poured.
Tantrum cause it's time to leave in 3...2...1...
Only time he sat still all day.
Intermission during her game of run away as fast as I can.
This one is just cute.
Looking at the street that he would later run into without looking.